im fifteen, and have a bucket list formed.

things I aspire to do before I die:

1. live in sweden
2. travel-lots
3. run a marathon in some foreign country :3
4. travel some more
5. write a book about travelling
6. I should probably go to uni...
7. form an awesome rock band
8. travel with the rock-band..
9. write another book
10. open a coffee shop, or a floristry, either way im happy :)
11.go to multiple concerts and start a collection of band tee-shirts
12. and a cd collection...
13. run another marathon, in another foreign country, for charity...
14. skydive.
15. fly a plane
16. meet oli sykes
17. find hogwarts...
18. learn another language-italian or swedish.or both!
19. take some macho cooking course ;)
..and well thats about it
for now O.o

and that's it, so far.

this weekend has been eventful. in my eyes the weekend starts as soon as you walk out the school door on a friday afternoon, and ever since then I have laughed so much that abs have begun to form, cried like some looser watching the bold and the beautiful and made the internet an awkward place for me to lurk-oh yeah and i just casually ran 11km in an hour.

So, what have I learnt exactly; firstly, I have a bunch of amazing friends that have some crazy ability to keep me sane. I seem to take things way way way way way too far. Believing in something, actually helps towards you doing that something. Music is a driving force of its own. Pineapples are actually amazing!

So um yeah....cool pineapples ay?

"Home Sweet Hole"

I feel like there's no escape from any crap. My world seems to be falling apart, and in a weird way I can't wait till school starts. When there was shizz going down at home, I could always forget about it by getting out and chilling with people far far away from heathcote. But nowadays, chilling with friends comes  with a side order of a whole lot of other shizz-about boys, and girls with boys, and ohmyfluffingjudelaw if I here about any more about certain people from joeys I'll throw something at a certain someone who apparently can't get enough of these joeys males. The thing is, it's not all my shizz-alot of all this is me, being typical me, worrying about everyone else then realizing that while I was doing all this worrying that (metaphorically) a dragon has been growing and breeding underneath my bed-a dragon tha has slowly been eating away at my life, while I'm off trying to help everyone else.

Recently, my mum told me she was thinking about letting me go on exchange to Sweden at the end of this year. I was over the frikkin moon. Exchange meant no school certificate, avoiding all the crap that's gunna go down when formal time comes around and a chance to get away from everyone and everything. 

Some wise words from my mum: 

"You can't just run away from everything"

Some wise words from House"

"It's better to face things than to run away from them. It's like standing in-front of a pitbull-it would be better o stay where you are than to run away, otherwise you'll just get hit in the bum."

So, lesson for today; Don't run away from stuff, similar to everything that's going on around me now. But I really can't take that. Alright it hasn't worked out in many movies, but there is really no other way. Every time I sit down and let my mind randomly drift off-all I can think about is everything going down at the moment. Running away-to Sweden preferably- would give me a chance to forget about everything, then come back with a semi cleared mind and then deal with everything. 

So, yeah. 

Are We Going Up, Or Just Going Down?

Life sucks. Basically. Ignore my last post about my kind of life not being as bad as people dramatize, because right now; everything is just screwing up. My sister hates me, my relationship with the albanian boy failed epically, one of my mega close friends tells me she's leaving our school at the end of the year and the final harry potter is showing in a week.

Why do these things all happen at once?

I guess as much as I say these things don't really matter to me, when you're sitting in you're room alone cut off from the world they creep on up behind you and you realise that they matter to you.

Shizz. Re-reading this stuff makes me sound horribly selfish and self-centred. But I'm sorry whoever is reading this, I had to get this all out somehow and yes I've tried diary writing and it fails. This is all I can think of.

But to all of you- hypocritically- chin up, and keep rockin'

"Can Nobody Save Us, Will Anyone Try?"

Today I realized something; I don't want to die without making some sort of difference in the world. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a hole like Heathcote watching episodes of House. I want to go out and make some kind of difference. 

Is this in any way self-centered?

I want to start a band. And I want to create music that matters. Music with a message. A message that can open the eyes of listeners to the many injustices in this world. Rock with a reason. To the fact that millions of children go hungry each day and are so used to it, that they don't even bother complaining. But here in Australia, and every other developed country in this world, children don't just complain about being hungry, but about why they don't have the latest version of the iPad or whatever apple is selling. 

But I'm not saying I'm any different. I've heard so much about the hardships people my age in third world countries have to face and I still have times where I think my life sucks. But in a way, that's one of the problems with being rich. You're never truly happy with what you have, and in a way money is the only thing that will bring you happiness. Not family, not friends. Little bits of paper. 

It's ironic really, that we have three meals a day, a warm place to sleep, a toilet but we're the ones that think our lives suck. These people in Africa, they don't have even half the benefits we have, yet just being alive makes them happy. Little things like meeting a new person would make them happy. Tennis-balls and second hand clothes is the equivalent to getting an iPod as a gift for us. 

Am I even making sense? I really don't know.

What I'm trying to say is that-this world is seriously flawed. There is a gap the size of Heathcote between the rich and the poor yet in a way the poor are happier than we are. As I said before, it's ironic; We have everything except happiness, they have nothing but happiness and hope to keep them going, but what they really need is money for "a better life", but with money comes the desire for more- and that brings unhappiness.

I probably have this all wrong. But whatever.