"the smoke will settle, the demons will come"

I think the reason people change is because our fears change. I'm not talking about those little irrational fears people have towards spiders, snakes ect, but those fears that kept us awake at night. The scary possibility the 5 year old version of ourselves lost sleep over, the ghosts that the little us was convinced inhabited the attic. But we reach an age when we realise that the monsters under our bed were never really there and for a few years we're fearless. But growing up, we're attacked by a new set of fears. Fears on steroids really. We fear what we know is real. Growing up, responsibility, ourselves. The monsters aren't under the bed any more, they're in our heads. Clichéd I know, but true. And once in our heads, these monsters are rather hard to get out. I think people change in accordance to their fears. We react in different ways to different insecurities. Some ways better than others. 

What Liars We Can Be

pretty little liar
what lovely words you weave
but will you ever tire
of hiding your little box of secrets

pretty little liar
carefully sewing your pretense
of false words and declarations
to give your world some sense

pretty little liar
what lies under your sleeve?
lines up your arm higher and higher
but do they make things real?

pretty little liar
swimming in sadness
can't you leave your sinking ship?
and stop weaving all this madness

pretty little liar
do you really wish to die?
such a selfish act
just to make true a lie.

"lost in all these city lights"

Here we go, round the prickly pear.

When-when do we start caring so much about how we look? About how flat your stomach is, how fat your thighs are, how pointy your nose is? When do we start caring about what others think? Whether what we're doing is cool, or uncool, whether or not we're impressing a certain someone. When does a person start hating themselves? Spontaneously feeling sad, overwhelmed by emotions. And why? Why is it people feel this way? What makes us naturally hate ourselves, or some part of us? Is it programmed in each person when they're born, to at some stage of your life become conscious by some "flaw" you believe you have. Or is it society-showing us what a perfect person should be like, but leaving out how exactly we're supposed to achieve perfection. Setting standards we can only try to reach through guesswork and the ambiguous words of magazine writers.

Maybe as we grow older, our perception of perfection becomes more refined- and we begin to judge ourselves more critically which can lead to a kind of hatred towards oneself. As we become more aware of those around us, we decided subconsciously who we want to be like as we grow up, but as we grow up maybe we realise that who we want to be is someone we can never be. Overwhelmed by failure, we pick out bits of who we are that aren't ideal to us. Some people take this failure more harshly than others.