relating life to quadrilaterals.

If like is like a trapezium, as discovered during a maths lesson several days ago, I'm definitely cruising along the top of the shape. And for once, I am not going to elaborate/ go off on some rant which leads to me being pessimistic about the near future. 

So here's a song that I've been singing these past few days:

not the happiest, but it's amazing nevertheless :'D

I wont give up on you, so don't give up on me.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed. Stuck in reverse."

Sometimes I feel as though my life is just going round in circles.

I try and fix things, but once these things are fixed something else just happens to break. So, basically I feel like I'm wasting my life trying to fix the things I've screwed up.

What's also annoying is when the people around me tell me that I shouldn't even bother, or I'm just not fixing these things the right way.

It's like a slap in the face, working towards achieving something then someone looking down on you're struggles and telling you that you've got it all wrong. Or the massive let-down you get when you think you understand how some crazy mathematical equation works and you use it to answer a question but you really have got it all wrong.

What's also annoying is the fact that whenever I feel like going for a run, it rains.
All I can say is, it's times like these when I desperately need to get out and run forever. But the stupid weather man obviously ain't my friend.

Why do I bother?

Keep rockin' folks.
vic.

Blank Pages, Swelling Rages

Today;
I felt like everything in this world was crumbling down on me.
Then I played some music,
Looked over to my friend;
And I was rocking my way up the top of this world.

Funny what something as priceless as some music-making can do.

Here's To The Past.

Have you ever felt like you made the wrong decision about something, or said the wrong thing that caused a bad thing to happen then a month or two down the track casually find yourself reflecting on what may or may not have happened if you had said something different?

Being a teenager apparently means living without regrets, because before you know it it's all going to end and a  crapload of responsibility gets dumped on you.

Well, I have my first major regret. 

And I only now I realise this regret, when it's seemingly too late to do anything about it.

Why do I get so worked up over things?

All this is going to lead to is me in a nunnery going to mass seven times a day. 

I hate myself sometimes, and wish that I had an older sister. I may as well still go around thinking "sex" is a naughty word.

Grow up Vic. 

Boy I wish I could've told myself that 6 weeks ago. 

"playing my songs is the way i cope with life"

Music. I'm not sure about all you people out there reading this (hi stan, sarah and lydia-stop stalking me.) but music means alot to me. One song can drive you run those few extra miles, put a bounce in your step as you walk home at the end of the day. One song can evoke memories, tears, happiness, anger. A song can be like a friend, when your down and feel like you have none.

"the fountain" by pendulum is such a song. You know how you go through lil' phases with songs, playing them over and over, day after day. I went through such a phase with this song whilst I was travelling round Europe with the family last year. I have distinct memories of listening to this song whilst driving around a round-about to get onto the road that lead to my great-aunties house in Italy. Also remember playing it on a Parisian train to Disney Land. Basically, this song reminds me of what I can easily call the greatest time of my life. I don't listen to it as much now but whenever I do the memories come flooding back; mainly of driving around Italian countrysides stuck in a volvo my dad despised, visiting family I never knew I had. Visiting family meant a meal that could seriously keep me full for three days, but every day I seemed to be having one, if not two of these massive meals.

Nevertheless, they were damn good meals.

But besides this song bringing back these lovely memories, I like lyrics of the song.
"Behind my eyes, is rage alone, but you don't understand-it was all home-grown".

^^this line i sometimes feel I can relate to because sometimes I feel I'm an angry child and what better to blame it on but the shizz that has gone down at home in my life.

Food for though? ...whatever that mean.

"what's happening to me, i'm dying from the inside.."

Well it's official, I am convinced that love brings out the monster in people. It's ironic really, you'd think it would be one of those not so happy emotions like hate, or lust or whatever. But it's the good innocent little emotion/feeling that starts wars, and less importantly eats away at you like some. You can try and stay neutral like Sweden but in the end you find yourself being sucked into it all. Whether out of love for a friend, that's been eaten up by the monster that is love, or because it's you that's being eaten up, or out of some absurd love for your country which drives you to go out and risk your life. The examples could go on, but as usual I'm just going to casually forget the big picture and focus on love in the context of a screwed up teenage life such as mine.

Somewhere in the bible, I'm pretty sure it says that love brings out the best in people- or maybe that's Harry Potter? I'm hoping its the bible cause that statement is bull-shizz.

Ok, it may not exactly be "love" but a strong  liking and physical attraction (ok, its love.) towards males has slightly confused my life to the maximum. Love of a man starts you're everyday bitch fight, and well lets just say love has brought out some kind of monster that had previously been chilling inside of me and there's a dent in my wall as proof.

It makes you angry, it makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry like Harry Potter dies for good, it makes you want to tear your ex-best friends head off and it makes you feel so confused that you're facing a maths test full of parabolas, and equations -shivers-

But you can bag out love all you want, but in a way it makes you stronger, so that you can withhold from crying at the end of the Titanic, or stand up to some man you supposedly used to love and say "i'm better off without you, go try and get into some other girls pants". It also makes you feel loved, which is a feeling you can't really describe. It's like a warm bath after spending three days trekking in some hole in the middle of a swedish winter (not that I've done that), it's like a high 5 after you've told a fail-whale joke, or just a smile between two friends while a teaching is looming over you giving you a "stern talking to"

So that's my crazy, contradictory,  rant that doesn't make much sense for this week.
stay swell world!

i wish i could stay this happy forever

but knowing my luck, this random state of happiness that i'm currently in will never last....