We inevitably construct our own meaning in the world, whether we realize it or not. We want our experiences to mean something beyond the moment they occur, which I think is only human nature, because without any proof of our experiences, what are we? We attach these intangible moments to tangible things- to places, to people, to songs, to words. These things become a trigger to the memory of our experiences, those emotions during those experiences- whether we like it or not. I mean Gwen Harwood may be all for this kind of thing, her and her insane belief that the pervading nature of memories is something purely positive- but I'm sure there's a majority of the world that would beg to differ. For example; there's a place in the world where I refuse to go, purely on the basis that going there will bring back horrible memories. Countless times, I've been tempted to revisit this place, but I'm basically too chicken to for a number of reasons:
1. I don't want to face all the emotional bullshit attached to this place.
2. There's the possibility that there is no emotional bullshit there anymore, or ever was, and basically I've just spent a large amount of time just living in my own constructed mess.
I think we construct our own mess, as horrible as that sounds. I can't be the only one, with a place/thing that I can just never associate with again. But it's not like there's anything physically stopping me, it's all a crazy mental melodrama, where (as I said before) we just want our experiences to mean something beyond the moment we experience them. And in some cases why wouldn't we? The fact that some of us may be able to never physically revisit a place ever again, only gives us the opportunity to spend more time in other places, which may be home to memories of other more happier experiences. And maybe if we all do construct our own mess, who can blame us? We live in a world where people live in little bubbles, and we're all trying to reach out into eachother's bubble and connect on a level beyond facebook- and we do so by trying to draw attention to ourselves, and our flaws, and how we need the help of those around us. But paradoxically as we do that, the bubble a person inhabits just becomes more solid- people don't understand us, or we don't get the reception we planned for. So what can we do? Exist, I guess.
