"flowers that once made you smile have turned to stone"

Because it's human nature for people to screw up. It's human nature to feel sadness. So what happens when the person that keeps you happy isn't happy? You just feel doubly shit.

"And dear I feel that ship is sinking"

Doubt. Why is it that doubt in ourselves can bring us down, yet if someone out there doubts you- people tend to go out of their way to prove that person wrong. If anything another persons doubt in us can empower us to prove that person wrong. But there's also the chance for failure, in trying to prove someone wrong we by accident prove them right; which can send a person falling further into their already half-dug pit of self doubt.

Self doubt. It's a horrible thing to feel. You feel worthless. It screws with your mind. It sticks you on a little iceburg of isolation. You watch as you float away from those you love. As you drift away though, you don't realise that the people who are really there for you have swum round behind your iceburg and are basically just alot closer than you think.

But sometimes you don't turn around. Keeping up with this iceburg analogy-you don't realise anyone cares. So you do stupid things, like swim back the way you've drifted from, leaving the people you love behind you.

Basically, doubt is just one of those things that makes you do stupid things. But if you're lucky, it can also make you a stronger person. If you're unlucky then well it can just make you sad.

Romance Is Dead.

Oh fuck,
I'm stuck
Drowning in blue
Now what do I do

Truth is love sucks
A monster that mind fucks

I should've listened to Parkway Drive.

I really can't think of any cool song lyrics that relate to happiness but hi

I think one belief about happiness is that it can be attained through personal gain. I'm not sure if this is just human nature, or just a sign of how screwed up society is these days. There's the whole materialistic level of it- where people spend money to buy happiness, but I think there's also a deeper aspect to it all. People don't exactly "gain" babies, but they have them to be happy in a way. People enter into relationships-in a sense "gaining" a companion to bring happiness. Even helping others out has some kind of gain to it all- the admiration of others and if you look at it through religious eyes, you gain a place in heaven with whoever you believe in. But ones personal gain can also equate to another persons sadness. Or the personal gain can bring the person gaining stuff sadness. It's all one giant cycle, in a way an intense paradox. Then again life is just one giant paradox and I guess this is just a piece of it all.

Repeating gain all this time, gain is a really strange word.

I'm loosing my mind
But on the outside I seem fine
Inside I'm a mess
Outside, an average girl in a dress

You notice though
blue eyes staring into my soul
I watched the stars.
You noticed my scars

Angry red lines
drawn whilst I told you I was fine
But you found them.
I should've just said it was red pen.

Nostalgi.

So this song started playing on my ipod, and it's one of those songs I used to adore and play constantly to the extent where I just got sick of it. I haven't heard it for a long time, but hearing it several days ago brought back a flash flood of memories. Funny how a simple song can do things like that. It reminded me of a time where I was a completely different person. Everything was different. I was less melancholy, I hadn't meant many of the people who would change my life. I hadn't done many of the things I've done today. It's weird really-how easily people and events can shape you.

Doctor Suess was always one for the deep and meaningful

"A tree falls the way it leans, be careful which way you lean."
 So basically, it's our decisions that bring about our falls. Which is true- as you get older it's not the annoying kid next door that's going to "accidently" push you down the slide, you're gonna be the big kid and make you're own way down the slide. Our downfalls in life can be thrilling, like racing down a slippery dip. Once at the bottom, the fun stops though, and you have two decisions- either chill down in the dirt with all the other kids too chicken to conquer the slide, or climb back up and fall all over again.

Life is fall of failures, and mistakes that send us to the bluest of the blue but the falling process isn't too bad. I'm not too sure what I'm getting at here- basically something along the lines of life is something where we are constantly falling and getting back up again. No one can stay at the top forever. It's human nature (or atleast my nature) to feel compelled to take the risk and go down the slide. We can't stay sliding forever.

I'm not sure this makes any sense.
But yes.
My analogy on life

deep blue

People are all sad in some little way or another. Generally its people who make other people sad. But isolation from other people leaves a person feeling sad and alone regardless of how many cats they own.

I guess it's all just one big paradox really.

So basically, sadness is a monster you can't escape. You can either run from it-which you can only do for so long until it consumes you and you fall into a deep pit of blue-or tame it. Accept that sadness will always be lurking in the back of your mind and go on with living life.

Introducing The Selfish Machines

People confuse me. Our actions all seemed to be powered by selfish motives, and those who don't want to admit to their selfishness invented religion. Every now and then someone will do something seemingly selfless, but in the end they will receive some kind of personal gain, but does that make them selfish? Does the need for that metaphorical pat on the back make us selfish?

Selfishness is something looked down upon, rather hypocritically. We're all selfish.
Selfish machines, tearing out eachothers hearts in a quest to find out who we really are.

Does anyone really know who they are? We tell people what we want them to hear about us, giving ourselves a certain identity which may not truly be ours. But if we act the part for so long, you'd think we'd become the person we show ourselves as?

Even thinking about it all confuses me. But maybe it's just one of those things you shouldn't think of, like what will happen when the world runs out of nutella.