We inevitably construct our own meaning in the world, whether we realize it or not. We want our experiences to mean something beyond the moment they occur, which I think is only human nature, because without any proof of our experiences, what are we? We attach these intangible moments to tangible things- to places, to people, to songs, to words. These things become a trigger to the memory of our experiences, those emotions during those experiences- whether we like it or not. I mean Gwen Harwood may be all for this kind of thing, her and her insane belief that the pervading nature of memories is something purely positive- but I'm sure there's a majority of the world that would beg to differ. For example; there's a place in the world where I refuse to go, purely on the basis that going there will bring back horrible memories. Countless times, I've been tempted to revisit this place, but I'm basically too chicken to for a number of reasons:
1. I don't want to face all the emotional bullshit attached to this place.
2. There's the possibility that there is no emotional bullshit there anymore, or ever was, and basically I've just spent a large amount of time just living in my own constructed mess.
I think we construct our own mess, as horrible as that sounds. I can't be the only one, with a place/thing that I can just never associate with again. But it's not like there's anything physically stopping me, it's all a crazy mental melodrama, where (as I said before) we just want our experiences to mean something beyond the moment we experience them. And in some cases why wouldn't we? The fact that some of us may be able to never physically revisit a place ever again, only gives us the opportunity to spend more time in other places, which may be home to memories of other more happier experiences. And maybe if we all do construct our own mess, who can blame us? We live in a world where people live in little bubbles, and we're all trying to reach out into eachother's bubble and connect on a level beyond facebook- and we do so by trying to draw attention to ourselves, and our flaws, and how we need the help of those around us. But paradoxically as we do that, the bubble a person inhabits just becomes more solid- people don't understand us, or we don't get the reception we planned for. So what can we do? Exist, I guess.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
a spoonful of optimism (sorry, i'm back)
Well, I'm back it seems. Hope you didn't miss my rants...
I have a new theory about happiness. That happiness is not a permanent state of mind, nor a fixed destination. We can never be truly happy, forever and ever amen-and this is why so many of us are unhappy. We spend our lives searching for happiness, as though it's some kind of lost treasure; like chocolate eggs on easter, or that horrible brown sweater your grandma knitted for you and wants you to wear because you said it's "lovely" but you sadly can't find. But unlike chocolate eggs, or horrible granny jumpers, finding happiness is only fleeting- which annoys us. Humanity yearns for things to last for more than a moment- ask any five year old that's cried after devouring an ice-cream and they'll tell you that it's because it melted too fast for them to savor the taste. Happiness is like ice-cream; tastes/feels amazing for a moment, but before you know it, the mood's gone and all you're left with is an aftertaste. Happiness is not a permanent tangible thing, it's a moment. Series of moments. Like when I was out walking after a crap day at school and Coldplay (god bless) started playing on my ipod and before I knew it, I was skipping, dancing, running, merrily making my way down some deserted street in Heathcote, not giving a fuck what any skeptical onlookers may have been thinking. I was happy. Happiness lasted about as long as that song- 4 minutes and 5 seconds to be precise. At its end, the storm clouds of anxiety, sadness, fear, anger- the list could continue on forever- returned; but that fleeting moment covered me from their rain like an umbrella, making things seem slightly less shit.
Let's face it; no matter where you are in the world- life is shit. Whether our own justifications for this are reasonable enough for the 7-point-something-billion other people in the world is irrelevant. To combat this bleak world view they've promised us things like heaven, invented ice-cream and told us to "forget about the price tag". However what we've never been told is to appreciate the little things; good coffee, cute dogs, a good song, writing in the sky- little moments where no matter how much you may hate yourself and the world etc, you can't help but smile and feel a kind of warm fuzzy feeling. That instant. Appreciate it. Don't go searching desperately for more. Go back to sulking under whatever pile of shit you've buried yourself under but with that little moment as a kind of perfume to make the shit seem less smelly. And that is my theory: humanity needs to appreciate the small things to live less blue lives.
I have a new theory about happiness. That happiness is not a permanent state of mind, nor a fixed destination. We can never be truly happy, forever and ever amen-and this is why so many of us are unhappy. We spend our lives searching for happiness, as though it's some kind of lost treasure; like chocolate eggs on easter, or that horrible brown sweater your grandma knitted for you and wants you to wear because you said it's "lovely" but you sadly can't find. But unlike chocolate eggs, or horrible granny jumpers, finding happiness is only fleeting- which annoys us. Humanity yearns for things to last for more than a moment- ask any five year old that's cried after devouring an ice-cream and they'll tell you that it's because it melted too fast for them to savor the taste. Happiness is like ice-cream; tastes/feels amazing for a moment, but before you know it, the mood's gone and all you're left with is an aftertaste. Happiness is not a permanent tangible thing, it's a moment. Series of moments. Like when I was out walking after a crap day at school and Coldplay (god bless) started playing on my ipod and before I knew it, I was skipping, dancing, running, merrily making my way down some deserted street in Heathcote, not giving a fuck what any skeptical onlookers may have been thinking. I was happy. Happiness lasted about as long as that song- 4 minutes and 5 seconds to be precise. At its end, the storm clouds of anxiety, sadness, fear, anger- the list could continue on forever- returned; but that fleeting moment covered me from their rain like an umbrella, making things seem slightly less shit.
Let's face it; no matter where you are in the world- life is shit. Whether our own justifications for this are reasonable enough for the 7-point-something-billion other people in the world is irrelevant. To combat this bleak world view they've promised us things like heaven, invented ice-cream and told us to "forget about the price tag". However what we've never been told is to appreciate the little things; good coffee, cute dogs, a good song, writing in the sky- little moments where no matter how much you may hate yourself and the world etc, you can't help but smile and feel a kind of warm fuzzy feeling. That instant. Appreciate it. Don't go searching desperately for more. Go back to sulking under whatever pile of shit you've buried yourself under but with that little moment as a kind of perfume to make the shit seem less smelly. And that is my theory: humanity needs to appreciate the small things to live less blue lives.
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